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12-year-old leads fight against sudden cardiac arrest

August 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Woodland student runs for good cause 
Rachel Polansky may not be old enough to vote, but she doesn’t let that stop her from taking action to make a difference in her community. The 12-year-old Woodland Middle School student raised $1,568 for the Robbie Levine Foundation at the organization’s sixth annual Robbie’s Run last month.

Sending emails to family, friends and neighbors, Rachel assembled a team of more than 80 participants to join her in the fight against sudden cardiac arrest. Robbie’s Run is an annual 5K race hosted by the foundation to create awareness of the importance of furnishing youth sports facilities with automated external defibrillators, or AEDs. Its participants solicit donations, and the proceeds have been used to provide youth sports organizations throughout the New York area with defibrillators.

Dr. Craig and Jill Levine founded the organization in honor of their 9-year-old son, Robbie, who died suddenly when his heart stopped during a baseball practice in 2005.

“It feels good that I can make a difference in saving a life,” said Rachel. “What happened to Robbie can happen to anyone. If he had a defibrillator, he might have lived.”

Rachel used the event as her bat mitzvah project.

Sudden cardiac arrest is the leading cause of death among youth athletes, and claims nearly 340,000 lives each year. According to the National Athletic Trainers’ Association, close to half of the deaths caused by sports-related injuries are attributable to sudden cardiac arrest. It is estimated that one case of cardiac arrest occurs every three days in organized sports. Without immediate access to defibrillators, the chances of survival are extremely low.

For Rachel, Robbie’s Run was an opportunity to use her athleticism to contribute to a cause that has influenced the lives of multiple generations of her family. Her cousins were schoolmates of Robbie Levine’s. A few years after Robbie’s death, she learned firsthand about the importance of defibrillators when her grandfather died after suffering a massive heart attack.

“I am so proud that she was able to put together a team of 83 people and raise so much money for something that is near and dear to us,” said Rachel’s mother, Lori Polansky. “It’s a very rewarding experience as a parent.”

Filed Under: Articles, Fundraising & Philanthropy

Clarke Hosts the Braille Challenge

June 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As featured in the East Meadow Herald
Wiggling their fingers, 23 Long Island students in bright yellow T-shirts marched through the halls of W.T. Clarke High School to greet what lay before them — a fun-filled day of intense competition doing what they do best. Audience members cheered as contestants armed with enthusiasm and a hunger for learning competed in the regional Braille Challenge on Saturday.

The annual event allows blind and visually impaired students to practice their literacy skills while interacting with peers, an opportunity that does not happen often. Before Clarke began hosting the Challenge in 2007, teachers administered tests individually, without the support or camaraderie of fellow students.

“We have a longstanding tradition here in East Meadow of providing programs for children who have all kinds of diverse needs,” said East Meadow School District Superintendent Louis DeAngelo. “We are thrilled to be hosting the Braille Challenge for the fourth year in a row.”

Students from ages six to 18 competed in several categories ranging from speed and accuracy to spelling and reading comprehension. Participants with the top 12 scores nationally in each of the five age groups will advance to the National Braille Challenge in Los Angeles, explained Barbara Taffet, a Braille transcriber and head scorer of the regional competition.

Representing the East Meadow School District were Alex Calderon, 16, a student at Clarke High School, National Braille Challenge 2007 finalist Michael Taylor, a sixth-grader at Clarke Middle School and Parkway Elementary School fourth-grader Daniel Castro.

As students tested in a nearby classroom, tenaciously running their fingers over raised dots, parents participated in their own day of learning and festivities.  Five panelists discussed knowledge and skills for independence in college. It is a rarely discussed topic, as nearly 50 percent of blind students drop out of high school, according to the National Federation for the Blind.

Speakers included: April Foley, a teacher for the visually impaired in Massapequa Park; Glenn Dausch, an assistant technology specialist at Stony Brook University; Megan Kelly, a quality insurance specialist for the Helen Keller Braille Library and adjunct English professor at Suffolk Community College; and Matthew Puvogel of the New York City Mayor’s Office for People with Disabilities.

It is important to help your child “verbalize their needs,” Kelly said. Self-advocacy, she continued, is an ongoing process so begin building decision-making skills at an early age through role-playing
activities.

Amid the celebration of learning and workshop presentations was a more important effort: a call to action for the preservation of Braille literacy.  For many students, Braille is more than a literacy tool — it is a ticket to opportunity.

“I couldn’t tell you where I’d be without Braille,” said Caitlin Lynch, a former National Braille Challenge competitor. “Braille has opened so many doors for me.  It allowed me to do everything my sighted peers did.”

Lynch, who attributes much of her success to Braille, boasts an impressive resume of bachelor’s degrees in English and Secondary Education from Manhattanville College.  She is currently pursuing her master’s degree in Social Work, an opportunity, she said, that would not be possible without Braille.

Filed Under: Articles, Education

Celebrating ‘diversity of instruction’ at Clarke

February 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Separate but equal. Echoed throughout the public education school system for decades, this philosophy has denied several students access to educational opportunities based on their perceived differences — from race to physical impairments.

At W. Tresper Clarke High School, the East Meadow School District is taking a unique approach to differences with an educational culture that reflects and accommodates diversity.

The schools provide an education to its blind and visually impaired population with a wide range of vision services including assistive technology assessments, orientation and mobility training and educational support with special education teachers. Blind and visually impaired students also have access to the same core curriculum as their sighted peers, but with modifications and accommodations. Tactile graphics, computer software and Braille materials are just a few of the adaptations that students receive.

The educational setting that Clarke offers vastly differs from public education 50 years ago. In previous generations, blind and visually impaired students were confined to special institutions, isolated from their sighted peers. Without the appropriate social and academic skills, visually impaired students were ill prepared for the adult world.

At Clarke, special education teachers work together with their general education colleagues in providing access to the curriculum for their students on areas such as transcribing materials, using a SMART board and even how to set up an environmentally friendly classroom. These practices help the students thrive in mainstream classroom settings.

“We provide what every child needs to be successful,” said Patrice Dobies, director of special education and pupil personnel services for the East Meadow School District. “Every child has something special to bring to the classroom and our job is to help our students access the curriculum to learn.”

As a way to celebrate the achievements of blind and visually impaired students, Clarke has hosted the Braille Challenge for the past three years. It is the only public high school in the nation to hold the event.

The Braille Challenge includes a series of exams that allow blind and visually impaired students to practice their skills in comprehension, speed and accuracy, proofreading, spelling and graph reading. More importantly, the contest strives to promote the importance of Braille literacy.

Braille instruction has become almost obsolete over the past few decades. Only 10 percent of legally blind children are learning Braille in school, according to the National Federation for the Blind (NFB). Advances in technology and special education teacher shortages are just a few of the rationales for its decrease in use.  The decline has resulted in a rising number of legally blind individuals who are illiterate and unable to function independently. NFB studies show that while only 30 percent of legally blind and visually impaired people are employed, 80 percent of those who have jobs are Braille readers.

“Braille literacy helps level the playing field,” said Dr. Sheila Amato, a national expert on Braille and a university teacher trainer. With Braille, Amato said, children with visual impairments can participate in state exams, gain independence, and achieve the same academic success as their sighted counterparts. Amato retired last year as a teacher for the blind and visually impaired for the East Meadow School District.

Residents, parents, teachers and students from the tri-state area will gather at Clarke on Saturday for the district’s fourth annual Braille Challenge. The competition began as a way for the district to pay it forward and has evolved into a community-wide learning movement for blind and visually impaired students.

Petra Tarrant, the district’s lead teacher for the blind and visually impaired, is coordinating this year’s Challenge.

Since its inception at Clarke, a student from the East Meadow School District Regional Competition has advanced to the national competition in Los Angeles. The Braille Challenge, the only reading and writing contest for students who are visually impaired, attracts hundreds of attendees, blind and sighted alike.

“The Braille Challenge is a celebration of literacy for Braille readers and writers,” Dobies said. “It’s a fun day to rejoice in learning, accept rigorous academic challenges and celebrate diversity of instruction.”

Filed Under: Articles, Education

3 Ways to Prepare Yourself Financially for Entrepreneurship

November 24, 2010 By Leave a Comment

For most women, entrepreneurship offers an opportunity to create an alternative work life of creativity and financial independence that remains elusive in corporate America.  However, after the initial excitement wanes, you’ll quickly realize that starting a business requires more than a great idea and heartfelt passion.

In addition to writing your business plan, deciding on the colors for your Web site, and designing your logo, you must also determine how you will live without the comfort of a steady paycheck and employee health benefits. The keys to making a successful transition from employee to entrepreneur are preparation, careful planning and most importantly, checking your corporate mindset at the door.  Before you commit to your business endeavor full-time, follow these three tips to create your own financial safety net.

Get over yourself
One of the biggest challenges women face when striking out on their own is the tendency to want to do everything themselves.  “No one cares what your title was, and it can be a culture shock when you realize there’s no one to delegate to,” says Susan Slovic, author of  The Girl’s Guide to Building a Million Dollar Business.  As an entrepreneur, you must have a willingness to be flexible and do things differently.  You may be tempted to handle everything yourself in an effort to avoid paying lofty overhead expenses, but in order to ensure longevity in your business, you must learn to relinquish control.  Make certain your business is systematized, so it can be easily taught and duplicated, adds Slovic, and start small.  While your ideas may be grandiose, resist the urge to expand beyond what your financial resources will allow.  Instead of opening your own boutique right away, start out selling jewelry at your local flea market or launching an Etsy store online.

Ditch the corporate mindset
One of the biggest mistakes women make when starting a business is failing to develop a sustainable business model, beyond trading dollars for hours, says Slovic.  If your business can’t run without you, you’ve only created another job for yourself.  When determining your business model, consider how you will transform your business idea into multiple sources of income.  For example, if you’re an event planner, in addition to hosting events you might also decide to write a book giving tips on how to select the appropriate decor, start a blog and solicit advertising from vendors, or offer workshops.  The idea is to channel your passions into various incomes, so you don’t have to rely on one source of income if your primary revenue stream suddenly wanes or becomes obsolete.

Build a stable financial foundation
No matter how passionate or talented you are, it won’t matter if you’re under financial strain.  Before you make the leap, it’s essential that you organize your finances: reduce any debt, save more than you earn, and build a cash reserve of at least 10 months.  Your business may take from six months to a year before you start breaking even or recouping your start up costs. Moreover, research low-cost insurance options and keep your overhead costs as low as possible. Then you can expand as your business grows.

Filed Under: Articles, Career

Build a Support System from the Inside Out

May 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Remember the fairy tales you heard as a little girl: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella?  Mr. Prince Charming would gallop in on his white horse, rescue the helpless, damsel in distress, and they would live happily ever after.  But in real life, things don’t always go according to plan.

Friendships end, marriages fail, and family members disappoint; and sometimes you’re the only one left standing.  When you rely on others for your happiness, you not only suffer the loss of the relationship, your self-esteem and sense of worth also become casualties.

“Whether it’s biological or societal, forming and maintaining relationships are a woman’s stomping ground,” says Marriage and Relationship Therapist Alisa Ruby Bash.  “As little girls, we learn to look to our peers and role models to determine how to look, act, feel and be in the world.  After so many years of trying to fit in, it can be a complete shock to the system to out yourself as a unique being with your own interests, talents, beliefs and desires, especially when they don’t reflect typical ideals, or what your parents always wanted you to be,” she says.

More and more women are taking control of their careers: running multimillion-dollar corporations and trading in their corner office to strike out on their own.  However, applying these same principles to matters of the heart and personal endeavors can be challenging.  We live in a culture inundated with messages that a woman’s success is determined by her job title, physical attractiveness, or marital status, causing even the most confident woman to question her worth at one time or another.

Here are three ways to strengthen your defense system when you’re faced with life’s difficulties:

Act Your Way into Feeling
The key to building inner strength and a strong sense of self is to “act your way into feeling,” says Bash.  It’s important to show yourself you can survive and even thrive in situations where you feel uncomfortable.  Doing things that require you to step outside of your comfort zone will make you feel empowered and courageous.  As a result, you’ll start to develop a greater appreciation of who you are and you become less occupied with what other people think and more concerned about pleasing yourself.

Just Say Yes
For women looking to find their passion, Bash suggests recording everything that appeals to you – from places that inspire you to images in a magazine that reflect your desires.  Think of the world as your visual playground, making note of what you love and what you would like to manifest in the near future.  Also, don’t be afraid to try new things, and make it a habit to do at least one new thing each month.  When tapping into your desires, consider those things you did as a little girl that kept you entertained for hours.  The idea is to identify and explore the things that make you happy, so you can learn how to satisfy your own needs instead of relying on others.

Live by Your Own Vision and Values
Dr. Robyn McKay, award-winning creativity coach walked out of a seven-year-marriage after suddenly realizing she was living a life meant for someone else.  It was only after uncovering her own purpose to help others connect to their creative spirit that she was able to find the courage to go back to school and get her degree in counseling psychology.  “I was more afraid of what I’d become if I stayed,” she says.

Oftentimes, the things we’re investing our time and energy in are not congruent to our values and what’s important to us.  To begin making the shift towards activities that nourish your soul, Dr. McKay recommends that women incorporate mindfulness into their daily routines.  Pay attention to your co-dependent patterns.  Ask yourself, “How much time am I spending trying to please others or doing things that don’t reflect my values?”

Many of us are living on autopilot, so when you notice your mind is beginning to shift away from your present experience you can refocus your attention by using the breath says Dr. McKay.  Inhale deeply and observe the cool patch of air against your nostrils as you exhale.  Cultivating presence in our everyday activities creates a container for self-awareness that allows us to develop trust in ourselves.  As a result, our self-esteem is no longer at the mercy of other people’s opinions.

Regardless of your relationship status, the source of your happiness lies within.  People may come and go, but the one thing that will remain constant in your life is the relationship you have with yourself, so make it your number one priority.

Filed Under: Articles, Women's Health

The Power of Self-Reliance

May 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

It starts off innocently enough: You slack off at the gym, you postpone your career planning, or you put off plans with friends to keep your schedule clear for your new beau.  Before you know it, you’ve become so preoccupied with a new romance that you’ve neglected your family, your friends, and your life. While you may have gained an exciting new relationship, you’ve lost your most important asset –you.

So why is individuality important in a relationship?  “Your partner doesn’t want just a piece of a woman, they want the whole package,” says VH1 personality and peak performance consultant, Alison Arnold, also known as “Doc Ali.”  ”There are times for compromising and times for voicing who you are loud and proud.  Remember, your new relationship was attracted to you, so don’t hesitate to introduce your new flame to things that excite you and make you special.”

The Complete Package
The key to maintaining your self-identity is to first assess your relationship readiness.   Be sure you have a sense of what you love to do, whom you love to do it with, and how a man can compliment that, rather than fill a void in your life, suggests Doc Ali.  She recommends that women assess their lives by asking themselves the following questions: “When do I feel the most rewarded and have the most fun?” and ”What is most important to me?”  Healthy men are attracted to confident women that have “got it going on.” 

Self-Preservation
New romances are beautiful: staring into each other’s eyes, butterflies in your stomach when you see their number on your caller ID, staying up until 4 AM and not caring that you’ll be exhausted the next day at work, says Doc Ali.  “I’m all for enjoying the magic of a new romance, but don’t get so lost in it that you’ve already planned the honeymoon, named the kids, and it’s only your fourth date,” she warns.

Doc Ali offers the following tips for staying balanced when you’re in the throes of a new love:

1.  Make and keep weekly dates with friends. Use it as a time to share stories and get feedback.

2. As much as you’re tempted, don’t cancel regularly scheduled activities. Keep going to the gym, playing softball on Wednesdays, or whatever you do that fuels you as an individual.

3. Keep reminding yourself that a little distance builds up a lot of longing and excitement. Staying busy sends the message that you are a confident, strong woman with a lot to offer.

Journey Back to You
Sometimes we lose ourselves unexpectedly. Our hobbies, interests and friends can fall by the wayside just as quickly as our new romance began. If you feel as if you’ve become lost in a relationship, begin to rebuild by reaching out and taking risks says Doc Ali.  Call old friends even if you think they’ll be mad at you; or do something you’ve always wanted to do but were afraid to such as surfing or skydiving.  Each time you step outside of your comfort zone, you’ll feel yourself getting stronger and stronger.

Becoming too dependent on a partner for all of your emotional, social, intellectual and sexual needs is a lot of weight to bear for even the healthiest of partnerships.  However, staying connected to friends and colleagues keep the scales balanced.  Your friends will always be your greatest mirrors, telling you when you are on and off target.  They also help you remember who you are and what you stand for when you begin to get lost.  Challenge yourself to remember who you are again, and come home to your true self.

Filed Under: Articles, Women's Health

Negotiate Your Way to a Happier Life

March 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Everything in life is negotiable: your salary, the final price you pay for a car, and even the amount of time you spend with a mate.  The secret to achieving success in everyday negotiations is to know what you want and ask for it! 

Many women avoid using their bargaining power due to a lack of confidence and a fear of rejection proving to be costly, especially when it comes to their careers.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average woman working full-time only earns 77 cents for every dollar that a man makes.  Women have to “act as their own agent,” says Alison Covarrubias, founder of the The Hatch Network.  “Pretend you are speaking on the behalf of your sister or best friend.”

Upgrade Your Income
“Negotiating can be a huge source of empowerment and enhance your life in many ways,” says Sharon Kedar, co-author of On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance.  Kedar suggests the best time to negotiate salary is when receiving your initial job offer. She adds that the most effective way to tip the scales in your favor is to do your homework. Before interviewing, make sure you’ve done your research on the typical salary range for your desired position using Web sites such as Salary.com.  Once the offer is on the table, thank your perspective employer for the opportunity and convey your enthusiasm for becoming a part of the team.  Then advise your research indicates that the typical pay range for the position is “x” amount of dollars and that’s where you’d like to be in terms of compensation.  

Your strategy when asking for a raise should be to present the facts, says Kedar.  For successful negotiation, a woman needs to know her worth and understand her significance to the company.  You can demonstrate your value by documenting your achievements and contributions. While it’s important to remain assertive, it’s equally advantageous to approach this topic with a sense of gratitude.  Avoid giving an ultimatum, warns Kedar, it’s not effective and could actually backfire – even put you out of a job.  

Maximize Your Spending Power
Before heading to the dealership to buy that brand new car, establish a budget.  Most likely, you’ll have to take out a car loan in which case you should shop around. Gather quotes from various Web sites such as Autoweb.comand Carsdirect.com.  Kedar recommends keeping car-related expenses — purchase price, gas, insurance parking tolls and maintenance — to 10 percent or less of your total gross income.  For example, if your annual income is $40,000 and you’ve qualified for an eight percent interest rate on a car loan, the total purchase price of the car should be no more than $14, 400.  Once you’ve determined how much you can afford, proceed to the dealership with a friend or family member for support.

Set boundaries on your relationships
While negotiating with your partner may seem unromantic, it’s important to communicate your needs and wants.  Make yourself a priority and set boundaries before entering relationships.  If you have a certain night
you like to hang out with friends or go to the gym, stick to your schedule.  Let your mate know that while you enjoy their company, you need personal time to pursue side hobbies and interests.  Setting limitations will help you maintain your self-identity and get the love you deserve instead of what you’re willing to accept.  

From your boss, to your boyfriend, to the car salesman at the dealership, opportunities for negotiation are always lurking in the background.  Your ability to stand firm in what you want and to recognize your true worth could be the difference between a fulfilling and prosperous life and complete misery.

Filed Under: Articles, Women's Health

3 Steps to Defining an Authentic Personal Brand

March 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

 

From Manolo Blahniks to Jimmy Choos, it’s the packaging of these brands that seduce us into spending $400 on a pair of shoes we’ll only wear once.  Establishing a personal brand is the foundation of success for today’s savvy woman.  Regardless of your current title or industry, the most important position you’ll hold is being the marketer of your own brand.  

A personal brand is the key to being memorable and right now, it’s extremely important to stand out from the crowd says Nancy Marmolejo, 2006 Entrepreneur of the Year and founder of Comadre Coaching. “We are so bombarded by marketing messages all day long; at the end of the day, she who stands out and is memorable wins.”

Uncover your inner brand
To effectively communicate your message and outer identity, it’s essential to think creatively and utilize your strengths.  Personal strengths contain the building blocks of your brand, says Marmolejo.  She adds that even your hobbies play a major role.  For example, a media consultant created a brand for herself that tapped into her hobby of historical homes.  Her logo features a caricature of herself sitting on the porch of an old house.  

Marmolejo recommends that women brainstorm all their strengths, areas of expertise, and even quirks when developing a personal brand.  Ask people you trust about what qualities they see in you.  She then suggests taking these words and feedback and looking for similar patterns.  Find metaphors related to them and see if you can start with some word plays.  The secret to creating a personal brand is to do what you can to stand out from the rest.  “When you’re authentic and work from your strengths, your brand becomes as unique as your fingerprint,” says Marmolejo  

Dive into viral marketing
Blogging is a great way to establish authority in your field, says Penelope Trunk, author of Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success.  People who have blogs that turn up in Google searches are mostly professional and are high up in their fields.   Blogging can help you get your name known among these people.  Trunk also suggests commenting on other blogs.  It’s a faster and less time consuming method of expanding your contacts than attending traditional networking events.  

Develop your personal style

Another key element in building your brand is style.  Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte, image consultants and co-founders of Carrie and Danielle Inc.have launched a new branding tool to assist women in building a powerful persona called, “Style Statements.”  Your Style Statement is two words that best define your authentic self such as ”Feminine Design” or “Classic Vibrant.”   From your wisdom to your wardrobe; from your longings to your living room– your Style Statement is where your essence meets your expression,” says LaPorte.  
  

How can two words define you? Arranged by the 80/20 style statement principle, your first word and second word encapsulate the ideal spirit, look and feel of how you move through the world.  During a Style Statement appointment, Carrie and Danielle ask a series of questions, from playful to profound.  After an hour of reflecting and sharing what matters to you most, they present you with your Style Statement and its precise definition.  Women can use these words as a guide for designing a career and a life that best reflects their true selves. While a Style Statement can be useful in creating business success, says LaPorte, it’s not solely about packing yourself for appeal; it’s about genuinely being your authentic self in every dimension of your life.  

Now that you’ve assessed your personal strengths, established authority online, and developed a unique sense of style, it’s time to market your company – Me Inc. – to the world and start earning what you’re worth.

Filed Under: Articles, Career

Smart Women Ask for Help

March 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

You’ve landed a new position and a new apartment to go along with it.  This can be an exciting, yet uncertain time.  Along with your fabulous new life comes a wide range of challenges – from adapting to a new work environment to unpacking and settling into your new home.  The trick to maintaining your cool is to master the art of asking for help.

As women, we’re the first to lend a helping hand, but when it comes to receiving help for our own crusade, we avoid it like an ex on a bad hair day.  “Single women have become so self- sufficient and use to doing things on their own that they don’t want to appearas needy,” says M. Nora Klaver, author of Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need.

Klaver attributes the unwillingness to ask for help to three fears: a fear of surrender or giving up control, a fear of separation or rejection, and a fear of shame.  To overcome these emotions, she suggests we show ourselves
compassion and realize that while we’d all like to pretend we’re superwoman, we can’t do it all.  Also, keep in mind that everyone needs assistance at one time or another, and sometimes the only smart thing to do is to ask for help.  If you’re still apprehensive, think about the consequences of not asking for support: more exhaustion, less energy, and more stress.  Worst of all, when you try to go it alone you double the amount of time it takes you
to achieve your goal.

So what’s the key to asking for support without appearing desperate? Before asking, make sure you know exactly what you need help with and what kind of help you need.  The more details you can provide, the more likely you’re to get your needs met.  Klaver then recommends taking a leap of faith and “jumping right in.”  For example, your new boss has assigned you a task that requires the use of new software, or you have no clue on how to complete a project.  The first step is to identify the best sources of information for your problem.  Then let everyone know you’re “new in town” and ask them to guide you.  Be sure you ask early, warns Klaver.  Waiting until the last minute poses the risk of you sounding out of control and incompetent.  

Aside from getting the assistance you need, there are several benefits to reaching out for help.  Showing vulnerabilities can deepen and transform your relationships, making you appear more attractive to the opposite
sex.  When you ask for help, you’re essentially saying to your potential helpmate: “I confess to you that I need something from you, and I admit to us both that I cannot do this alone,” writes Klaver.  Such a display of openness is inviting, which makes room for a new level of intimacy.  To increase your comfort level, start small by asking your mate to screw in a light bulb.  Then work your way up to asking him to rearrange the furniture, or to hook up your entertainment center.   

While asking for help may seem like the last resort, it’s the only way to get the life you want and deserve.  Not only will you receive the help you need, but you’ll reap the benefits of having more energy, less stress, personal growth and deeper relationships.  Instead of being a damsel in distress, you’ll be a damsel with a successful work and personal life. 

Filed Under: Articles, Career

How to Escape Your Dating Rut

March 1, 2010 By Leave a Comment

 

Do you ever find yourself habitually attracted to bad boys or men that are not right for you? You vow next time will be different only to find yourself a month later sitting across from the same person you just left. Sure, the faces and names have changed, but somehow you have fallen into a dating rut – dating the same type of person over and over again.  How can you prevent yourself from repeating the same unconscious relationship pattern?  Here are four tips to escape dating déjà vu, and start attracting healthier and happier relationships.

Commit to emotional housecleaning
The only surefire way to prevent Mr. Wrong from taking up residence in your life is to clean house.  Start working on unresolved issues either through journaling or by writing a letter to someone who has hurt you in the past. Write out all those gut-wrenching experiences and how they made you feel.  Then destroy the pieces of paper, which will signal to the universe that pain no longer has a place in your life.  Finally, forgive.  You cannot move forward if you are still holding grudges.  Even though this person may have wronged you, it’s better to be healed than to be right.  

Practice self-love
Since we attract who we are, invite loving relationships into your life by living a life full of love – starting from within.  Oftentimes we expect others to love us, when we aren’t even kind to ourselves. We complain about our chunky thighs or our not so flat stomachs when we should be celebrating our curvaceous frames.  Or we compare ourselves to others, wishing we had their lives not recognizing the beauty in our own backyards.  Begin practicing self-love by identifying your best parts and projecting them to the world.  Make a list of at least ten positive things about yourself, and read them aloud on a daily basis.  Focusing on your finest qualities will attract those same qualities in others.

Create a vision of your ideal romantic relationship
Sometimes we settle for less than we deserve because we haven’t a clue as to what we’re looking for in a partner.  We may find ourselves going with the flow to see what happens.  Unfortunately, by the time we figure out our mate is far from Prince Charming, we’ve already become comfortable with their misbehavior.  We start to rationalize their negative underlying traits like emotionally unavailability and lack of ambition in hopes that one day they might magically disappear. Before entering your next relationship, develop a vision of what your ideal partner and relationship looks like.  How does it feel? What qualities does your mate possess? What types of activities do you enjoy together? Once you create a picture of what a happy and healthy relationship looks like, you can then start attracting it.

Become Ms. Right
If you expect to find a man that is open, honest and drama free, be committed to being that kind of person yourself.  Make a conscious effort to treat others with respect and toss the game-playing aside.  Participating in childish mind games in an attempt to gain control of a situation will only attract a playmate. You’ll soon find yourself licking your wounds when Mr. Wrong engages in a little foul play to even the score.  The bottom line is this:  The closer you move towards becoming Ms. Right, the sooner you will attract Mr. Right because people of like minds are automatically drawn to one another.

Filed Under: Articles, Relationships