You’ve landed a new position and a new apartment to go along with it. This can be an exciting, yet uncertain time. Along with your fabulous new life comes a wide range of challenges – from adapting to a new work environment to unpacking and settling into your new home. The trick to maintaining your cool is to master the art of asking for help.
As women, we’re the first to lend a helping hand, but when it comes to receiving help for our own crusade, we avoid it like an ex on a bad hair day. “Single women have become so self- sufficient and use to doing things on their own that they don’t want to appearas needy,” says M. Nora Klaver, author of Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need.
Klaver attributes the unwillingness to ask for help to three fears: a fear of surrender or giving up control, a fear of separation or rejection, and a fear of shame. To overcome these emotions, she suggests we show ourselves
compassion and realize that while we’d all like to pretend we’re superwoman, we can’t do it all. Also, keep in mind that everyone needs assistance at one time or another, and sometimes the only smart thing to do is to ask for help. If you’re still apprehensive, think about the consequences of not asking for support: more exhaustion, less energy, and more stress. Worst of all, when you try to go it alone you double the amount of time it takes you
to achieve your goal.
So what’s the key to asking for support without appearing desperate? Before asking, make sure you know exactly what you need help with and what kind of help you need. The more details you can provide, the more likely you’re to get your needs met. Klaver then recommends taking a leap of faith and “jumping right in.” For example, your new boss has assigned you a task that requires the use of new software, or you have no clue on how to complete a project. The first step is to identify the best sources of information for your problem. Then let everyone know you’re “new in town” and ask them to guide you. Be sure you ask early, warns Klaver. Waiting until the last minute poses the risk of you sounding out of control and incompetent.
Aside from getting the assistance you need, there are several benefits to reaching out for help. Showing vulnerabilities can deepen and transform your relationships, making you appear more attractive to the opposite
sex. When you ask for help, you’re essentially saying to your potential helpmate: “I confess to you that I need something from you, and I admit to us both that I cannot do this alone,” writes Klaver. Such a display of openness is inviting, which makes room for a new level of intimacy. To increase your comfort level, start small by asking your mate to screw in a light bulb. Then work your way up to asking him to rearrange the furniture, or to hook up your entertainment center.
While asking for help may seem like the last resort, it’s the only way to get the life you want and deserve. Not only will you receive the help you need, but you’ll reap the benefits of having more energy, less stress, personal growth and deeper relationships. Instead of being a damsel in distress, you’ll be a damsel with a successful work and personal life.